Methought I heard Bonnie Tyler cry, "Sleep No More!"

Why pay to see No-Doze when it's all on Youtube for free?

OMG, I finally like saw Sleep No More, which is like totally the hottest ticket in Boston? And OMG, it was way stupider than I ever thought it would be! I was sure the concept and all would be cool and millennial but OMG it was like I was stuck in a music video from 1985. And I was like oh no NOT more bad modern dance in the thrift shop! But YESSSS it was bad modern dance in the thrift shop 24/7! And WHAT was Mrs. Danvers from Rebecca doing in Macbeth anyway? OMG, it was like MacBecca! And WHY was the Second Mrs. DeWinter married to the old king, you know what's his name, the one who goes "This castle hath a pleasant - ACCCKK!!" I mean what was UP with that?

Ok, whatever. Somebody told me it was a lot better if you didn't know anything about the play or the movie and that's probably true. It's always better with the A.R.T. if you don't know anything going in. It would have been wicked cool, though, if like Mrs. Danvers had totally gone down on Lady M. but that was ONE opportunity they for some reason sadly missed. It WAS freaky sometimes when you'd be like watching some actress who you weren't quite sure who she was but anyway she'd be all intense and then you'd hear this SCREAM from another classroom, and you'd be like, whoa, I bet they just found that dead body I saw a minute ago! Awesome! And I did like the eel in the bathtub, that was kind of cool, but when I tried to catch it and leave it in somebody's locker this guy in a black mask stopped me and told me I'd be like ejected if I tried anything like that again. Bastard. LIGHTEN UP, okay? I guess there were some good parts where the guys took off their clothes but that was like the ONLY reason I was glad I saw this show and even that only happened twice unless I missed something. I mean half the time I'm like "Sleep No More"?? I'm nodding off already!!! But then BOOM the sound system kicks in and some asshole actor like SLAMS into you and all these jerks in their little white masks are chasing after him to get their 25 bucks' worth and you're like "Shit, wait for me! I'm tired of staring at all these antiques!!!" It would also probably be a whole lot better if it came with a card like from a scavenger hunt with things on it to check off, like "YES! I totally tagged the bloody baby!!" Anyway that would be my constructive criticism.